why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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