I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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