just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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