That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
