I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
