I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
