you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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