She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
