I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I enjoy the company of your penis
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
