Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
