Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm passing your future prison.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
