Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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