i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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