Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
