i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
