Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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