I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
