im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
