cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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