i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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