a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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