Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
