no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
