you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
