Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just pee around me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
