I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
