My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
