Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
