ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
