this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
