So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
