I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
