If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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