your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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