im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
