He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I AM VODKA MAN
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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