I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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