Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
