i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
