What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
