genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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