ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
