I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
worst night to have a conscience
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
