No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
