I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
