my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
