you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
