im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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