Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
