I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
