why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
